Before you start with, ‘she’s on a health kick, thinks she’s superior, ‘my body is a temple’ BS’ then pipe down, let me explain.
I haven’t stopped drinking altogether, I just don’t drink often anymore. I go with what I feel, if I want a few drinks, I have them, if I don’t, I won’t. This isn’t me telling anyone off, more like me discussing a decision I’ve made. I’m not judging you, try not to judge me.
Am I justifying myself to you? Maybe, indulge me. Welsh people in particular can’t seem to fathom NOT having a drink, it’s the epicentre of the world. I render people speechless when I refuse a drink or say I’m only having one. They look at me like I’ve asked them to give me a rectal examination whilst bouncing my arse around to some trip-hop.
Depression, anxiety and crying.
Alcohol is a depressant, fact. I suffer from depression and it’s not good for me. This is not generalised to everyone with depression, but for me I need to consider it. Anxiety and feeling of utter shitness go through the roof when I’ve had a drink and I’ve had crippling spells of feeling like the worst person in the world after drinking. I can get paranoid, emotional and can’t stop crying. Cry me a river? Cry me the Adriatic Sea more like….
I cannot cope with hangovers anymore, the nausea, spinning, headache, dry throat, wanting to die etc have to stop for me.
I had to call in sick at my last job because I drank so much (for me) on a Wednesday, tried to stand up in the morning, felt like I was in Mordor and couldn’t eat or drinking anything for 36 hours. That was the beginning of the end.
Small woman alert
I am a small woman, I cannot drink the volume that the majority of people can, I used to have three pints in Brewdog then be completely at the mercy of my heels, fall over and do regrettable things in Clwb and I also need 5,000 wees. No, thank you.
Broke with expensive taste
I no longer earn a monthly salary that deems me sinking £8.50 espresso martini’s down my gob with relentless cheer or be in rounds that are £40+. My money is spent on travel, gigs, eating out, charity shops and my goddamn cat who I love.
I’ve had several blackouts and it’s dangerous and stupid, I can only thank friends for looking after me so that I haven’t done or been subjected to something really bad. Yes, I’ve done stupid shit, I won’t deny it. Being told by your friends your actions whilst having to apologise and see them look at you like the idiot you feel is not a repeatable experience for me. I’m regretful and sad for those moments and apologetic to all the people that ‘had to’ pick up the Tazmanian Devil of self destruction.
Me, me, me
Sober or not, I like being the centre of attention, I don’t particularly need alcohol for bravado, confidence or to dance like a lunatic because I can do all those things without it. Oh look at her, showing off, yeh I know, I can but I won’t apologise for it.
Best times x worst times
I cannot deny that some of the best ‘night out’ times I’ve experienced have been drink fuelled and I absolutely do not regret them, when I could handle drinking I loved mixing my drinks and playing drinking games badly, but that just isn’t me anymore.
What not to say
If you notice someone isn’t drinking, can you please just leave them alone? Don’t point it out, ask them why, look at them like their psychotic or make them feel under scrutiny… it’s really annoying and pretty demeaning.
No one should have to justify their choices to you. When do you get asked if you really need that 17th pint? Or should you have really doubled up for a £1 babe? You’re twatted.
Compassion please, I’ll drink to that… (if I want to).