Making friends in your thirties

Friendship bracelets

Just like dating, making new friendships can feel daunting, scary and impossible. Yet as we change and grow, isn’t it inevitable?

I used to have a Disney like approach to friendship, feeling that it would be forever and there would be adversity but we would overcome it with a strong ballad, hugs and matching tatts. Alas, this is not reality.

Time

It seems the older I get, the less time I have. Responsibilities pull at me from each direction and ultimately you can become quite isolated. Friends will start families, others will devote time to jobs and move away or like me you will get a cat you adore and spend 2hrs out of each day trying to remember log in details.

Just like everything in life, change is inevitable. Around thirty I began a new era of growth in myself, I became more self assured, less tolerant of bull shit and a stringent feminist. I noticed that I attracted and sought after people more like me.

I joined my local library and reignited my love for reading. As I perused the fiction section the escapism, characters, worlds and stories I was craving came back to me, just like it did when I was a little girl.

Cardiff Feminist Book Club

I joined Cardiff Feminist Book Club in 2019 and it has changed my life. With some trepidation I set off to the first meeting. I shouldn’t have worried, the women I met were welcoming, kind, funny and friendly.

The more we met, the more I realised I felt part of something, connected and accepted. The books we read were fascinating, our conversations gave me viewpoints and ideas I just wouldn’t have thought of alone.

When I got asked to join the committee I suddenly felt 11 again, so elated to be ‘picked’. The women in the committee are firm friends, just a WhatsApp away and I admire and cherish them deeply.

Perhaps the best thing about CFBC is how different we all are, yet we’re threaded together because of a love of books, feminism and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Our discussions away from the meetings are my favourite thing, from the ridiculous (often instigated by me) to the serious.

It’s reassuring to know we are not alone and find commonality in so many things, we support each other, no matter what. You can’t buy this type of friendship and support, it’s like gold dust and I’m very grateful for it. It’s like being a penguin in the huddle.

A big realisation for me is that friendships are cyclical and will undergo change frequently and that’s ok. There are people like you out there and you will find them, just like the Spice Girls said “Friendship never ends”.

If you want to join CFBC you’re very welcome, take a look on Twitter and Instagram. Also men are absolutely welcome, we aren’t that type of club.

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