(Un)Happy 7th Freelance Birthday to me

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Seven years of freelance (and part time work, who am I kidding?) and the hardest year yet.

I spent the last tax year in the freelance desert.

It’s barren, the sand is hot, the nights ice cold and there is no shade or protection. This is a place of extremes and can feel very lonely and isolating.

Yes, that’s right, for the first time in a long time I had very little freelance work. Not for lack of trying, but it  simply did not happen for me.

Burnout, baby

I’m loathed to call myself a mystic but part of me believes the universe tried to guard me from burnout, bad vibes and myself. I got and quit a toxic part time job and I naively took on a voluntary role that turned out to be far more work than I anticipated, resulting in my brain having very little room for much else. Guess what? I got burnout anyway…..

Projects came my way, but some weren’t right for whatever reason, and I am glad that I was able to trust my gut and still have the confidence to say no. I also faced disappointments with timing or budgets not working out. Such is the life of a freelancer.

I have always prided myself on being agile, adaptive, and getting shit done but being in this position made me feel very vulnerable, an imposter and questioning. The rational part of my brain disagreed of course (my testimonial page is slay) but my personality allows the dark in more than the light.

Honesty is the best policy

You might be wondering why the hell I am being so honest? Barely anyone talks about this out aloud, we share our successes over our failures relentlessly (thanks LinkedIn, you bitch) and part of me wants to get rid of the shame and disappointment I felt. Both heavy emotions, and holding them in is bad for you.

Change is inevitable, this I know and the universe is being kinder to me this tax year… but I am also considering a career change (lol) so who knows what my blog post next year will bring.

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